A Writer's Heart

Hello my beautiful supporters and readers,

I pray you are having a spectacular day thus far. I am currently at work taking a break and decided to write a quick blog post. This blog will dig deep into why I stopped having sex before marriage. If you have a single (meaning not married) daughter, sister, cousin or friend please do not hesitate to send them this blog. I believe it will bless them.

Now, to my story. I stopped having sex before marriage for many reasons. The number one reason being because I gave my life to Christ and He began to show me why it was important for me to wait until I was married to have sex (if you are not a Christian or think that this blog post will be full of mans religion or that it will condemn you for doing what you “desire”, that is not the case. Please keep reading, so you can feel my heart regarding this topic because it is a sensitive one, and also one that many struggle with). However, I will be sharing a segment of my story with you all, and will be adding what Holy Spirit shared with me throughout those times of my life. I have to add that it may convict you and lead you to repentance, but that is always the goal, so please keep reading.

Growing up, I was raised in an extremely religious and traditional church that taught rules/regulations, and not the love of Christ. So, because of that – I always heard “if you have sex before marriage you are going to hell” “If you do this or do that, or wear this or wear that, you are going to hell.” Long story short, I lived majority of my childhood in fear because of those flawed/manipulative phrases. This caused me to become rebellious, stubborn, and prideful. (side note: my household growing up was extremally dysfunctional and not conducive for my growth, so school and church were the places where I “learned” the most). I want to take a quick second to debunk that flawed idea though. If you are having sex before marriage, yes there will be consequences that come with that, and I will dig deeper into that in a few, but once you repent (confess, turn from your impure ways and completely stop – have self control – and surrender your desire to have sex before marriage to God), you will be forgiven because our Father is a forgiving and gracious God. 1 John 1:9 – “if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and do cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

“Man’s religion tells us what we can and cannot do without explanation, when God’s religion leads us back to the cross, and teaches us about His love for humanity.” – Terran Z. Brodie

What was confusing to me back then was, those same individuals who were preaching those erroneous and flawed messages – were the same individuals who had children out of wedlock (had sex before marriage), or were engaging in activities that they were telling me would give me a ticket straight to hell. So, it is safe to say that back then, I would think “well, if I am going to hell, does that mean they are going to hell as well because…… they have children with men/women they are not married to…”

Moving forward with my story though, I turned 13, started dating this boy and lost my virginity 2 weeks prior to me turning 14 because of peer pressure, I wanted to see what my friends were talking about, I did not understand why I could not try it, I did not care about going to heaven or hell, and I was tired of hypocrites trying to control me. Simply put, I did not see why I shouldn’t have sex, so I did it.

Well, fast forwarding to 20 year old Terran, this was the time I began to realize more than ever why having sex with a man that I was not married to (committed to, one with, in covenant with) was frowned upon. At this point of my life, I already had multiple romantic partners who I was sexually intimate with. I experienced being infected with STD’s, and also having to take morning after pills (a form of abortion) because I was not using protection when having sex with these men. I formed soul ties with these men, experienced rape within a relationship (multiple times) because one of the men that I was dating thought he owned me, was disrespected multiple times, taken advantage of sexually, violated (one of the guys had his friend in the closet video taping me), and labeled as many things other than my name.

Ultimately, these incidents (learning blocks) showed me how having sex before marriage negatively impacted me, and how it never brought any good to my life. Truly, I learned that it was not worth it. So, that is when I made the decision to give my life to Christ and live my life souled out for Him. There is so much more to my story – and I will be sharing via Instagram as well as through out this blog website. If you are not following me on Instagram please go follow me. https://www.instagram.com/terranzhane/ But, for this blogs sake, I am going to end my story there, and below you will find what Holy Spirit showed me regarding having sex before marriage and why it was important that I stopped having sex before marriage.

Why I Stopped Having Sex Before Marriage

1. The consequences that followed after could’ve killed me or prevented me from having children in the future: STD’s and abortions.
2. It’s a sin. 1 John 3: 4-10
3. I fear the Lord.
4. Holy Spirit began to show me how the word of God was written to equip and protect me, not to control me. So, the commandment for us to not fornicate before marriage was never implemented to control us, but to protect us from STD’s, undesired pregnancies, soul ties, and etc., (ultimately, protect us from the things that we couldn’t see, and that could potentially defile us.) Now, one may be thinking – well, isn’t that what condoms or birth control are for? But let me tell you, even with using protection – you can still be infected or end up pregnant. Also, when you have sex with a man that you are not married to (legally), you having sex with him according to the Bible, is you becoming one with him. Now just think about that. How many men have you become one (married) with? A reference for this can be found in John 4:4-26. It’s okay (repent, change, and move forward).
5. My love for Christ grew stronger and my desire to sin decreased. The more I indulged in the word of God and focused on building my relationship with Him – the easier it became to wait on the Lord to send me my husband. Please click the link to be directed to a blog post that I wrote a few years ago speaking on purity. https://pureone.blog/2019/11/15/purity-in-god/
6. After being educated on this topic, and its importance – just thinking about having sex with another man who was not my husband made me feel sick to my stomach. I felt convicted when I would think about it.
7. The benefits that I reaped after finally surrendering that portion of my life to Christ were immaculate. I learned how to love myself, how to say NO, how to make wise decisions, I was happier within, I learned how authentic and true God’s love for me was and how it was unfailing, I started focusing on myself and not men, I was not in any drama, and I did not have to deal with the thoughts of “oh, is he cheating on me? do he really love me nonsense”. Also, I learned how to maintain my emotions and detach my emotions from men, and it preserved my mind and kept me from feeling like I was a hoe or ran through.
8. I did not want to measure my husband according to the men that I once dated or were sexually intimate with.
9. I learned the importance of valuing myself and knowing my worth.

So yes, those are a few of the reasons why I stopped having sex before marriage. Ultimately, the number one reason was because my relationship with Christ came first and I did not desire to break my Father’s heart by having sex with men He never sent to me in the first place. I hope and pray this blog post was helpful to someone in a way, and that it blesses those who may need it. I do want to encourage the one who may be dealing with condemnation, guilt, or shame though. I want to encourage you to still press towards Christ because if He can forgive me, He can and will forgive you. If He can give me a new life and wipe away my sins, He can do the same for you. If He can change my ways, and renew me to the point where I do not desire to compromise nor conform to the ways of this world, He can and will do the same for you. It is never too late to give your life to Christ and nothing is too hard for Him to handle.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” 2 Corinthians 5:17

“To put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.” Ephesians 4:22-24

Love you all so much! Please share your thoughts with me on this topic. Though It may not be for everyone, I believe it is for someone. Thank you all so much for reading. Please do not forget to follow me on Instagram.

Terran Zhane